Nooooooooo…

I was sitting at my computer.  Pondering,  Hmmnn, what should I do ?  What shall I search for? I was just sitting there,  thinking,  and wondering,  and suddenly I heard voices nearing.  It was but two of my three sons, the youngest two, ages 23 , and 19.   They were discussing crawling underneath their older brothers girlfriends house,  to save her baby puppy that had wandered under, and remained there.  I had logged into the Stephen King website to post some Walking dead photos and was intently listening also to the conversation they were having, about flashlights and spiders and snakes.  

 

The oldest of the two, Kelsey, had sat near me writing into a black notebook, writing away. All was quiet for a while.  I had seen him write into that book on several occasions lately and wondered what he must be writing.  He,  I have always thought of as my ‘dark child’,  the one who is most like me in his preferences of horror and dark music  and dark writings and dark clothing.  

 

I had just watched the movie Riding the Bullet again a few nights before and he is almost exactly like the Stephen King character of Alan, not only his demeanor and manner but his physical appearance as well, right down to the voice, the eyes, and hair!   This is not , an exaggeration.  

 

So,  it  was probably 15 minutes later that the younger one, Drew , returned and had ‘dressed’ for the occasion of crawling underneath a house, to rescue the puppy,  and the two of them were off, and out the door assuring they would be very careful.    

 

It  suddenly occurred to me again,  and I wondered,  hmmnn,   what was he writing  in that book?  Then, there was this little voice inside my head, ‘well Mom,  this is your chance to find out,  Hes not here,  Hes gone right now,  go  see if he left it out and have a peek at it, he wont know, and besides you just want to see if hes writing some awesome  cool story, just like a little chip off the old block!’  

 

So I went to his  bedroom and I slowwwly opened the door, the light was still on, and there it was right on the table near the window. A cousin of his, my nephew Jacob who visits on the weekends, was there, in front of the tv playing a game, but looked right at me as in a kind of ‘can I help you? Kind of expression,  and so  I said,  ‘Oh,  there it is …’  and pranced right over there and got it, hoping that he didn’t pay that much attention, to what it was …. and possibly  rat me out.  

 

I quickly carried it to my room and opened it right up  to the page where the pen was tucked between two pages at a little past 1/2 way through the book.   Nothing, and I do mean nothing could have prepared me, for what I saw in that moment.   It was a single sentence.  

 

 This sentence ….   ‘Excuses are the tools of the incompetent that build monuments to nothing and those who specialize in them are seldom good at anything else.’   How depressing I thought, and continued reading and it was all the same thing.  That one sentence written,  over and over, there were pages and pages and pages of it!  All lines were filled front and back!   Equally alarming was that the  writing was so sloppy and uncoordinated I could hardly read it!  

 

 

 I was in an immediate state of a Mom panic,  holysh!t!  ohMyGod what is Wrong with my child!    Flashes of Jack Torrance were immediately in my mind but I was pushing them away,   and I was shaking, as I  moved the pages back a ways and saw something else, was also written. 

 

Another sentence :   ‘ The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog. ‘  ‘Oh nooooooooo’ is all I could muster as I flipped pages filled with it backward still  and then came to his name…..  his full name ‘blank Kelsey blank’ over and over, side by side across the lines down covering page after page as well,  further, flipping further back and to the beginning,  and what had actually began with pages filled with the entire alphabet!  ‘ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ‘ and ‘abcedefghijklmonpqrstuvwxyz’  in both caps and smalls, over and over,  on every single line  for pages and pages.  

 

I stood, there like a broken Mom looking at it.  My heart was broken.  I cant even describe that feeling, in that moment,  other than I was Freaking Out!    My son was in desperate need of some attention, of some kind !   I didn’t know what to do but I knew I had to put the book back before he returned home!  I quickly copied quickly what he had written into my own book, so I could study it, or something!  I didn’t know why, I just did,   quickly,  and then I returned it back to his room.  

 

It wasn’t even 30 minutes later and I was still quite shaken when they returned and  they had saved the puppy and were telling me about it !  Moments later, I told the youngest, Drew,  in a whisper and a nod that I needed to tell him something. I watched for his brother to disappear and as I began to tell him,  I suddenly heard these voices inside my head saying ‘ No you cant tell him, thats his brother, they have brotherly bond and He will Tell Him what you Did’ and so ‘Never mind’ I told him,  ‘It was nothing’   and he said, ‘Oh no Mom whats wrong I can tell somethings wrong, its okay ,  tell me’  he whispered’.  

 

So I was opening my own notebook to show him what was written that his brother had been writing, and at the same time, telling him… ‘ Im worried about your brother’.   ‘Which one?; he asked, ‘Kelsey’ I said, ‘ hes been writing in a  black book’…. and as he took it from my hand, he said,  ‘I know mom hes practicing writing with his left hand’.   and I said ‘Look,  at What he has been writing!’  ‘He wrote this ‘over and over’!  

 He again repeated that he was ‘practicing writing with his left hand. ‘  I still wasn’t buying that! ‘ That is disturbing!’   I told him.  He then said,  ‘Mom didn’t you notice how SLOPPY it was?  its cause he was writing with his left hand! ‘If you looked more closely you would have seen it was first written neatly with his ‘right hand’ the first time on each one’,   ‘I know you , you were thinking of the Shining, I have to tell Kelsey this,  I have to! ‘    

 

The next thing I knew,  my son Kelsey walked into the room laughing, hysterically and said ‘Mom, first of all ‘Stay out of my stuff’   and  ‘second of all ,  that quote is one my teacher taught me that has almost the Entire alphabet in it and the other sentence had the other 5 letters that the first one didn’t!’   He went on to say ‘You are soooo lucky, cause  I  had ALMOST added that Stephen King line in  to it !’    

 

So then,  when their other brother called, the one who had the girlfriend with the puppy underneath the house, to inquire as to ‘how it went’,  I said to him , ‘Listen to this,  first of all,  if you found out, that your brother,  (the quiet, dark one)  was writing the same thing over and over for pages,  what would be the First thing you would think,  about that?’   and he said  ….  ‘That hes Practicing his Handwriting’!  and I said, ‘What did he TELL you that ?’  and he said ‘No, he doesnt have to,  if someone was doing that, it would be the most logical ‘Reason Why’.   LMAO  , soooo,  in the end It appeared that I was the Strange one, but what a happy ending to a sudden Stephen King moment.    

I’m not going to speculate as to WHY he wanted to LEARN to WRITE with his LEFT hand, not at all, as far as im concerned it can be none of my business, a challenge to self and  nothing more.   ‘ dammnn,  that was Close ’  I thought   to myself.  I took a deep breath in and exhaled the sweet sigh of relief.  It was the  night Jack Nicholson popped in and said  Peek A Boo !     ; )

 

 

hauntingportrait47

 

 

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